indri: (Default)
[personal profile] indri
Text pinched from [livejournal.com profile] peasant_ and [livejournal.com profile] deadsoul820.

This is my post for [livejournal.com profile] peasant_'s Concritathon. Anyone who wants to give me public concrit for Descent is very welcome to do so here. Anyone who would rather send the concrit privately, my address is archaeoindri@yahoo.com.

According to the rules of the concritathon:

Concrit is Constructive Criticism. This means that it must point out at least one, preferably more, flaws in the story as well as at least one, preferably more, good points in the story. It must also be written so as to inform the author of your opinion without hurting their feelings.

Ta.

Re: Part 2

Date: 2005-10-03 10:32 pm (UTC)
gillo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] gillo
"sitting on his arse" is indeed a tautology but it's a common one in British English vernacular. As in, "What are you lot doing sitting on your arses when there's work to do?"

Trying to analyse what my problem with it is, I think it's because you've already used "sit up" in the same sentence. And to me the idiom "sitting on your arses" implies being stationary...

Do you know of any good examples of fight scenes I could analyse so I can improve?

None come to mind instantly, but I'll look out for some. Action scenes are tricky in any case. Some of the Harry Dresden fights seem to maintain energy well.


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