Concritathon

[indri]

Text pinched from peasant_ and deadsoul820.

This is my post for peasant_'s Concritathon. Anyone who wants to give me public concrit for Descent is very welcome to do so here. Anyone who would rather send the concrit privately, my address is archaeoindri@yahoo.com.

According to the rules of the concritathon:

Concrit is Constructive Criticism. This means that it must point out at least one, preferably more, flaws in the story as well as at least one, preferably more, good points in the story. It must also be written so as to inform the author of your opinion without hurting their feelings.

Ta.

Comments

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

"Go to sleep! It's late, don't you have," he waves, "huts to go to? Go to fucking sleep!"

The break there feels artificial. Personally I’d put it before “Don’t” or after “to?”.

I took it that Spike was going to say "homes to go to", changed his mind, paused briefly and waved in the direction of the huts, and then decided on the "huts" wording and carried on speaking.

[gillo]

I see what you mean. But the pause still *feels* odd - perhaps it needs a clearer break? Or perhaps I'm just too dim to see it right.

It's a wonderful bit of fic, anyway - I'm just being Ms Picky.